Star Bores – There’s No Hope

Gang, with the recent release of the trailer for the last movie in the most currently trilogy, I have come to the sad realization that I don’t want to see it.

  I am not the type of person who gets sentimental over things.  I feel some nostalgia, but only so much.  I don’t get hung up on new characters getting introduced, or a movie universe evolving, but I also believe in there being some logic behind it, and value for my money.

  In episode 7, I thought they did an okay job bridging the new to the old, including them killing off Han (if you haven’t seen it yet, why are you even on this page?)  It made sense that Leia is still a rebel.  It made sense that Han made poor life decisions, and was back to being shady.  It made sense that Chewbacca was by his side.  I liked VII.

  Then they released VIII.  That was not “cinema”.  That was Disney ruining Star Wars.  That was Mark Hamill not wanting to be in a movie, but Disney has a lot of money.  That was Disney making a statement, though no statement was needed.  It was also the straw that broke this camel’s back.

  Four of the last five Episodes have been horrible.  They aren’t worth rewatching, because they are just as bad the second time, as they were the first.  Hayden Christensen still can’t act/emote.  Jake Lloyd is still annoying kid (with a rough life after).  Sam Jackson still yells his lines and prima donna’d his way into a purple light saber.  It’s still filled with CGI, it still is soulless, it still is bad.

  VII gave me hope, despite some so so acting.  It caused positive discussion (no Jar Jar…Yay!).  It had a lot of positives, and I was excited for VII.  Then you start reading things, you realize that the story is going to be impacted, and then, once you watch it, you realize that in the big picture, all but about 20 minutes was pretty much pointless to the story they were trying to portray.

  It seemed Disney put in a bunch of new characters just to sell the toys.  They made sure that every ethnicity was included in the movie, though that was never really an issue before.  Yes, the movie was male dominated, but did anyone complain before?  I am guessing that them adding more females to the cast aren’t going to bring in any more girls/women as fans than there was before, because I feel that it is a male dominated audience.

  Before you get your panties in a bunch, I know that there are female super fans.  I guarantee when I went to Celebration, most the ladies there knew more about the movies than me.  I also know that 70% of the people there were dudes, and that there were some very bored looking women there.  A lot of assholes too. (go read my review)

  I just feel like we’re being ripped off.  Once Lucas got his hands on CGI, it all started to go to shit as well.  The puppets made the movie fuller.  The actors seemed better (well, because they were), because they were actually talking to an object, not a tennis ball on a string. 

  I know CGI allows them to do more, creates an amazing visual, but it also sucks a little bit of soul away.  CGI Jabba doesn’t look near as cool as pile of foam Jabba.  Little droids everywhere does absolutely nothing to add to the movie.  I like a good hulking monster as well as anyone, but I also liked when they had to be clever, and somehow make a puppet look real, and miniatures look big, I thought it was awesome.  Sure, looking back, some of the stuff looks dated and cheesy, but it was my youth.

  So since Disney somewhat sucked all the fun out of the Episodes of Star Bores, I probably won’t be going to see it in the theatres.  I don’t wish ill will on Star Wars fans.  To be honest, I hope it sets records, because I have Disney stock, and the better it does…  But as much as it pains me, I’m done.  I’m not paying to be miserable, I already saw “Joker”.

Author: Jay Roach

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