The Witcher – Now You’re Messing With A Son of a Witch

Look gang, that title just wrote itself.  Plus I got to add a Nazareth reference in, so this article is starting off with a BANG!

  I just finished the series on Netflix, called obviously, The Witcher.  I was a huge fan of Witcher III, the video game (excellent, a fun play, I went through it twice…now I want to play it again).

  The stories were taken from the first book.  I have just started the first book, so I cannot tell you how much of the book it was taken from.  They read really fast, and flow well, so that is always a good start.

  The Witcher is a character.  His name is Geralt of Rivia.  As a small boy, the order took him in, gave him herbs to increase his vision, trained him in everything from magic, and weaponry, and set him loose on the world, where he goes out and slays monsters and pussy, both with equal skill and passion.

  I really enjoyed the arc of the first season.  I thought they did a really good job mixing in his main job of slaying various monsters in the kingdoms, with the main story of Ciri needing to find Geralt (the Witcher), and that back story.  Generally I will watch a season, and there are a few episodes that lag, and for the most part, each episode held their own.  They all had juicy nuggets of story, they all had some action of sorts, and almost all of them had plenty of cleavage, and sometimes more.

  I thought whoever did the casting was almost spot on.  I know some of the nerds are complaining that there was some fuckery, that some of the characters in the show didn’t look like the characters in the book, and to be honest, I wish they had taken a bit more poetic license.  Whoever did the casting loves them some beautiful brunette women, because at one point, until they started lopping off a few, it was hard to keep track of them.

  Henry Cavill was amazing as Geralt of Rivia.  From what I read, he had a lot more dialog originally, and he came in, he politicked for the role, and when he got it, the dialog started dropping off.  But…his physical expressions, the body language, the looks….the man said a lot without uttering a sound.  His grunts spoke volumes throughout the whole season.

   Anya Chalotra is my new girl crush.  Though, she also was the lowpoint of the series as well.  Spoiler Alert (that the blind could see):  Yennifer (her character) starts out as the daughter of a pig farmer, who is deformed.  By deformed, it looks like they put marbles in one side of her face, it made her jaw slightly askew, and in the beginning they probably wrapped her chest some, because you cannot hide those titties.

  She gets bought by a Tissaia, goes to school to learn magic, then decides she wants to become powerful after a slow start (because she’s a dullard in theory).  She meets a wizard boy, he helps, and she is on the road to awesomeness.  Once she’s full fledged after a few year, she goes to a kingdom, and keeps learning more and more, but under the constraints of their rules.  At some point, she spits our the marbles, loses her hunch back, and BANG!  She’s one of the most beautiful women EVER!

  Seriously though, she does a great job as Yennifer.  The story , when it includes her, is taken over by her acting, not her looks, but she is definitely a looker.

  I’m not going through all the actors, but Freya Allan as Ciri was a great casting as well.  She’s young, and has the build to get away with playing younger, but was able to age faster, to get to her real age.  That all made sense in my head, so read it slow a few times, and you will figure it out.

  I thought she acted really well.  She’s definitely a beautiful young lady, but not perfect.  A lot of times when children are a big part of the story I lose interest, because most can’t act well, and I just don’t like kids, but she did a great job taking her part of the screen. 

  There are actually a few kids in it, and all of them did a good job sticking within their role of the story, and not make me want to tear my hair out.  So kudos to them, and the director, who did a nice job throughout.

  I thought that the locations, and the scenery was spot on.  I am sure some CGI was used, but for the most part, the castles looked like how I imagine castles to look, the taverns looked like taverns, and the homes of the rich and powerful, as well as the penniless and destitute, all seemed within the realm of reality.

  The pacing of the show was very good.  Like I said, the books seem like fast reads, and the shows are the same.  His monster hunting is a part of it, but it isn’t a whole show of him hunting one monster.  I think that the artists who created the monsters were very talented.  A few of them looked a little “busy”, but when you read about the in the books, you realize why they looked that way.  The books do a great job of describing the monsters, but in a way that your imagination can fill in the pieces. 

  The only thing that looked really stupid was young Yennifer (try saying that drunk, you sound like the Swedish Chef).  It was obvious what they were going to do, even if you haven’t looked at a book, but still, the effort seemed like they needed an idea at 5PM on a Friday, and they got around to it around 4:55PM.

  There are eight episodes, which for the story, was the perfect length.  You didn’t get much filler, so you have to pay attention somewhat.  I am sure I will watch it again while drawing, because I paid attention the first time, but I am sure that I missed a few things, so it will get some heavy replay in my world.

  It has been picked up for a second season, so there is that to look forward to.

  Unlike the Mandalorian, it didn’t ruin a great premise by adding a fluffy little character.  Nope, they filled it with half naked women, and enough cleavage to keep an army of babies happy.  And they kept the great premise.

  I highly recommend this.  I probably wouldn’t watch it with your kids.  They don’t shut up, and you’ll just be uncomfortable whenever there are titties on the screen.  No gang, save this one for yourself.  Watch it, enjoy it, and bask in it.

  I am @jaycanchu on Twitter and Instagram.  I post boring things, and retweet interesting things, and @rslavinski too. 

Roach (the human)