Deathstalker – Oh god what did I watch
There’s a movie, called Deathstalker. You can watch it on Amazon. We talked about it on the “Deathstalker and the Nam” episode. I highly recommend NOT watching it. I’m not using reverse psychology, seriously don’t watch it. Unless you really want to see every female character in a movie get rapped, don’t watch it.
The only real positive about this movie is the poster has some incredible art from Boris Valejo, who was one of my favorite painters when I was a teenager. I still really enjoy his work, along with Julie Bell. Their Marvel Masterpiece paintings are still some of my favorites. I also enjoyed the costumes and set pieces in this movie. Literally everything else about this is terrible. Though I guess if you like tits and rape it’s for you. I like one of those things, and it’s not the latter.
Ok, now enjoy this conversation we had about this movie.
Kenric telling us to watch it
Kenric:
Casey did you watch deathstalker?
Casey:
No
Didn’t have enough time
Kenric:
It’s so bad
Lol
John:
What is deathstalker?
Kenric:
It’s on Amazon prime
Go watch it on your phone
John:
uhm….
I’m scared
Kenric:
Lol
Just do it
There is a lot of boobies shown
John:
Oh, I’ll cast it to the big screen in the office
Kenric:
Perfect
Casey watching the movie
Casey:
Watching death stalker
Idk if I’ll make it
Kenric:
Hahahaha
I warned you man
Its so bad
John:
Hahaa
We talk about that tomorrow
I’ll watch it tonight
Kenric:
I finished it
Just. Because it was a like train wreck
Casey:
Goddammmm they startin this shit off hard
RAAAAAAAPE!
Kenric:
Ya man … thats every other scene a chick is getting or almost getting raped
Casey:
Not even minute after the opening credits
Casey:
Omg, the Foley art on this is fucking hilarious
Kenric:
Hahahha what those sounds are spot on
Casey:
This swordwoman has the weirdest tits I’ve ever seen
Seriously, if my wife were here I’d say “hey, look at dem weird ass tiddies!”
Kenric:
Hahaha dude. .. do you think she was like.. what the fuck … I’m just gonna walk around the set with my tits out?
Casey:
Lol
For real
Kenric:
Swing this .. no no keep the tits out
Casey:
They could have revealed that she was a woman much easier
Kenric:
Lol
Do you like that even the good guys are the women?
Fuck
Do you like that even the good guys RAPE the women?
Casey:
No. That shit is fucked up
Kenric:
So weird right?
Casey:
Even Conan has a code of ethics
And he gets mad pussy, yo
Kenric:
I’d like to think even in 1982 you would watch that and say no what the fuck
Casey:
For real
Kenric:
I save you from that guy raping you .. now that your safe … let me take your top off and slide my tip in
Casey:
Yeah. This is terrible
John:
Can’t wait to talk about this
Kenric:
Hahahhah cant say I didnt warn you
Did you finish it?
Casey:
I tapped out
Kenric:
How far did you get?
Casey:
To the scene where they’re in the castle with the mud wrestlers
Kenric:
I think that’s like half way or so
Casey:
Yeah
I’m watching Toast Of London on Netflix now
I needed something funny
Kenric:
Lol I domt blame you
John:
Did you finish?
I’ll watch it too
Casey:
It was rough, man. I’m in a bad mood and needed something funny
John Watching the movie
John:
I’m doing it….
And wow, this is bad.
“This isn’t my day either”
“Power is nothing if given to you!”
Holy shit this is bad
Kenric:
Hahaha
John:
Jesus this is so fucking bad, (this movie)
And so many tits for no reason.
Oh look, muddy wrestling and more rape
Are we sure this isn’t just some rape fantasy movie?
I almost feel bad for watching this on my work computer
Kenric:
That would not surprise me
John:
I kinda want to just do a rape count of this movie, but then I I would just feel bad
Kenric:
It’s like s really bad D&D campaign by a 13 yr old DM
John:
Yeah, it’s like this movie REALLY wants to include the sex like in Caligula, but can’t be THAT graphic, so it does the best it can
Kenric:
Yup
John:
I can hear the executive producer on this now
“Look, RAPE was a real thing in these days, so we just need to lean into the rape.”
Kenric:
Hahaha
John:
“Clearly woman had their tits out all the time back then, they hadn’t invented bras yet. So pull the tits out and get raped already!”
Kenric:
Just lean into it
Go balls deep
John:
Oh they did
Kenric:
The rape from the ad guys isn’t even as bad as then rape from the good guys
The good guys succeed in their raping
John:
Right?
It’s like everyone’s a rapist
Kenric:
Its seriously odd
You would think someone anyone would have called this out
John:
Oh good, they are strapping some girl to a wall to get raped I assume
And this pig faced dude is like “MEE”
Same pig faced guy who at a pig in the last scene
Yup, he’s going to rape her
WHATS THIS! A MUDDY CHAMPION APPEARS TO SAVE THE LADY!
And now it’s a massive brawl?
Oh look, a new drunk rapist
Kenric:
Ya
John:
And Deathstalker just sits back sighing, Go ahead, rape her I don’t care
Kenric:
Hahahaha
John:
But then the blonde girl is like NOPE and he’s like FINE! I’ll get up and unchain her I GUESS
I swear to god if he goes and rapes her now I’m done with this
Kenric:
Excited to talk deathstalker? This might be a good section to talk about the culture of Hollywood before the me too movement
John:
“Are you planning on taking her with you?” “For the night anyway”
WHAT THE FUCK he was going to rape her
Kenric:
Ya man hahahahha
Casey:
I honestly don’t think it will be a good thing about just because of the insane amount of rape in the film
Kenric:
Does your head hurt yet?
Ya … your probably right Casey
John:
I’ve put 40 minutes into this already
Oh cool, pig dude ripped a guys arm off to beat someone else with it AND NOW THERES A PILLOW FIGHT
I kinda think we SHOULD talk about this AND point out JUST HOW HORRIBLE it is
Kenric:
Ya but not compare to metoo
John:
JESUS the scene RIGHT After all that is ANOTHER rape scene?!?!?
Jesus this is terrible
Kenric:
Yup
John:
And the girl just does “oh, not again”
And the creep dude is caressing her ass
How the fuck did you come across this movie man?
Did you look up “most rape scenes in a rated R movie”
Oh not the bad guy transformed a dude into a chick to seduce and kill Deathstalker
And he can’t help but fondle himself
This is the kind of movie that needs an audio commentary of WTF
Kenric:
Honestly I saw the cover on prime video and thought cool Conan knock off
Then I watched it and I was like ohhhh I need a shower and a rosary to recite my hail marys
Because that was uncomfotable
John:
Yeah, this is….something
Maybe we talk about it, or maybe we just mention it. I think we could just write up a blog post “how not to make your fantasy movie”
Rule #1) don’t have everyone rape everyone
Oh cool, Deathstalker is gonna rape the dude turned girl that just tried to kill him
WHAT THE HELL
Kenric:
Hahaha
John:
Oh my god man.
“Let’s get you something to wear and get you out of here” she’s says with her tits out
Now she’s sword fighting in a cloak with her tits flapping around
Casey:
Those are some flappy tits
John:
At least she killed the creep
Oh good, pig faced died
And no-one has been raped in the last 15 minutes
COMING UP! Deathstalkers vs The Sorcerer that turned a dude into a chick with his MIND! (That Deathstalker raped, then kicked out of his room, then this girl/dude tried to rape the blonde girl, stabbed her, then got stabbed and they all died)
OH that didn’t last, people getting raped again
Oh but at least the rapist are getting stabbed
Some of them, but oh god
WTF he has Thor like powers with the sword?
It comes to him?
NOW He’s raising if over his head like he’s HEMAN
Oh, to get the amulet.
logical
Oh good, I was worried no-one would get beheaded in this.
OH WTF he’s putting his head back on his body?
Kenric:
lol
John:
“It’s an an illusion! You have the power Deathstalker!”
Kenric:
it should be shown in college classes of what you don’t do
John:
Was it all an illusion when he made that dude a chick? So Deathstalker was just seeing a chick?
Wait, he’s NOT killing the sorcerer?
Just going to shop up the chalice huh?
Ohh goodie, he threw him to the crowd, I wonder if they will rape him
Cont confirm nor deny if they raped him, but they certainly did something
….
Kenric:
lol
John:
THATS how it ends?
Kenric:
nice play by play
John:
Holds the sword up and the chalice up
I DESTROY YOU
And the universe is just like “yeah, ok”
Ok, well that was a thing I just watched.
That we have all watched.
Alright, let’s watch Deathstalker II